Quotes
An optimist is a person who starts a diet on New Years Eve.
Irv Kupcinet
French fries - I love them.
Some people love chocolate, some love alcohol. I love French fries.
That and caviar
Cameron Diaz
Ah yes; I've worked out who all those fashion designers are - they are they people who flunked human anatomy!
Erma Bombeck
A fashion designer is as good as the star who wears their cloths
Edith Head
As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to die young, but with as many delays as possible.
Matthew Grierson
I have never killed a man, but I've read many obituaries with great pleasure.
Clarence Darrow
Watching your daughter being picked up for her first date is like handing over your million dollar investment to a gorilla
Jim Bishop
Humans like to back themselves against impossible odds good examples are lotteries, religon and dating.
Scott Adams
"I'm now in my blond years.
I say this because since my marriage ended I've only dated blonds."
Hugh Hefner
At this years open I'll have five boyfriends.
Anna Kournikova
Whenever I fail as a father or husband, a toy and a diamond always works.
Shahrukh Khan
Nobody ever asks a man how he manages to combine marriage, fatherhood and a career.
Sam Ewing
A father is someone who carries photos where he used to carry money.
Frank Howard Clark
I have never been a material girl. My father taught me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
Imelda Marcos
It's my view the internet is not an information highway, it's an electronic asylum filled with lunatics.
Mike Royko
Treat your password like your toothbrush: don't let anyone else use it and change it every six months.
Clifford Stoll
If your computer is in English, it was probably made in China.
Alan Perlis
A computer once beat me in chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
If the car industry had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we'd be driving $25.00 vehicles that get 1000 kms to the litre.
Bill Gates
I prayed for freedom for 20 years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
Fredrick Douglas (former slave) 1847
I had to stop driving for a while - the tires were getting dizzy.
Steven Wright
I spent a lot of money on women, booze and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
George Best
Car racing is boring except when the vehicle is doing over 150kms upside down.
Dave Barry
Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their vehicles.
Tom Arnold
When in doubt,
mumble. When in trouble,
delegate. When in charge,
ponder.
James Boren
Accept change; it
is inevitable – except from a vending machine.
Robert Gallagher
The flock instinct among business forecasters make sheep look like individual thinkers.
Edgar R Fiedler
The gamble known as business looks disdainfully at the business known as gambling.
Ambrose Pierce
I find it easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese
If you owe the bank a thousand dollars, you have a problem. If you owe the bank $100 000 000,00 the bank's got the problem.
John Paul Getty
Every day I get up and read the Forbes rich list. If my name isn't on it, I go to work.
Robert Orben
Every few minutes it changes - up a cent, down a cent. It's like playing the slot machine. I gain $20 million, I lose $20 million.
Ted Turner
Cannibals prefer those who are spineless.
Stanislaw Lem
Carpe per diem - seize the cheque.
Robin Williams
An economist is someone who will tell you tomorrow why the prediction made yesterday didn't happen today.
Laurence J Peter
Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard.
Edgar R Fiedler
The architect's most useful tools are the eraser at the drawing board and the wrecking ball at the building site.
Frank Lloyd Wright
Thomas Jefferson said: "When angry, count to 10. When very angry, count to 100". Mark Twain said: "When angry, count to 10, when very angry, swear".
Like many people age, I'm 28 years old.
Mary Schmich
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Bob Hope
I often buy myself presents. Sometimes I will spend $100 000 in one day in a posh boutique.
Celine Dion
I remember the night the candle shop burned down. We all stood around outside and sung "Happy birthday to you".
Steven Wright
They say beauty is only skin deep, but when you walk into a party, it's hard to see inside peoples brains.
James Caan
The problem with beauty is it's like being born rich and you keep getting poorer.
Joan Collins
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
Beauty is variable. Ugliness is consistent.
Douglas Horton
A beautiful woman is magnificent.
A intelligent woman is spell binding.
A witty woman is fun.
A woman with all three is power.
Matthew Grierson
Murals in restaurants are on par with food in museums.
Peter De Vries
Modern art is the product of the untalented, sold by the unscrupulous to the utterly bewildered.
Al Capp
Art produces ugly things which sometimes become beautiful over time.
Fashion on the other hand produces beautiful things that become ugly over time.
Jean Cocteau
Old age is when Father Time has overtaken Mother Nature.
Harold Coffin
True terror is waking up in the morning and finding your high school class mates are running the country.
Kurt Vonnegut
Have a profound respect for old age - particularly when it's out of a bottle.
Gene Fowler
Inflation is when you pay $15.00 for a $10.00 haircut that used to cost $5.00 when you had hair.
Sam Ewing
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
As a man gets older, his toys get more expensive.
Marvin Davis
Diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
Zhou En Lai
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Carl Zanzig
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
Frank Zappa
Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
Frank Zappa
My wife asked for a surprise. I told her I'd take her somewhere she hadn't been been. I blindfolded her; lead her to the kitchen; took off the blindfold and yelled surprise.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
The doctor told me I had broken my leg in three places. He then advised me to stop going to those places.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is now 80 and still doesn't use glasses.
She drinks straight from the bottle.
Henny Youngman
I was an atheist, but I gave up. They had no holidays.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
The trouble with weather forecasts is that they are right too often to ignore and wrong too often to rely on.
Patrick Young
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months, even years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
Evelle Younger
I brought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is walking distance if you've got the time.
Steven Wright
People say the world is getting smaller but I still wouldn't want to paint it.
Steven Wright
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright
Give me the luxuries in life and I'll gladly do without the necessities.
Frank Lloyd Wright
I was wearing my reading glasses when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
All the things I like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Alexander Woolcott
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today
Herman Wouk
2012 is a leap year – this means there will be 5
Wednesdays in February this year – on average this only happens once every 28
years.
A blue moon will occur this year – A blue moon is the
second full moon in a calendar month. This only happens once every 18 months or
so. The last blue moon occurred on New Years Eve 2010 and after this years, the next blue moon
will be 2015 – on July 31.
This year the blue moon falls on September 30.
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
David T Wolf
Blame someone else and get on with your life.
Alan Woods
At the age of eleven or thereabouts, a woman acquires a poise that allows them to handle difficult situations. A man, if he's lucky, manages to achieve this somewhere in his late seventies.
P G Wodehouse
The fascination of shooting depends almost entirely on which end of the gun you're at.
P G Wodehouse
I think nudity on stage is disgusting, shameful and damaging, but if I were 22 and had a great body it would be tasteful, artistic and a progressive religious experience.
Shelley Winters
Although I am not disgruntled, I am far from gruntled.
P G Wodehouse
Remember, while they're happily kicking you in the pants and stabbing you in the back you'll always be in front of them.
Walter Winchell
Courage is the art of being the only one that knows you're scared to death.
Harold Wilson
One person's wage increase is another person's price rise.
Harold Wilson
There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
Edmund Wilson
Before I was married, I had six theories about bringing up children.
Now I have six children and no theories.
John Wilmot
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't like.
Earl Wilson
The problem is God has given males a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to use one at a time.
Robin Williams
Time is the best teacher, but it also eventually kills all its students.
Robin Williams
Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you're making too much money.
Robin Williams
Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They've got too much to lose.
Robin Williams
Manners maketh man.
William of Wykeham
Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.
Bern Williams
Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of life, violence and committee meetings.
George F. Will
The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when I can turn it into momentum.
Frances Willard
Don't let the internet blog you down.
Matthew Grierson
The nice thing about being a pessimist is you are either being proved right, or pleasantly surprised
George F Will
What is the difference between literature and journalism?
Journalism is unreadable and literature is never read.
Oscar Wilde
To get back my youth I would do anything, except exercise, get up early or be respectable.
Oscar Wilde
We live in an age where unnecessary things are our only necessities.
Oscar Wilde
We really have everything in common with America these days - except, of course, language.
Oscar Wilde
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
Work is the curse of the drinking class man.
Oscar Wilde
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Oscar Wilde
Fashion is a form of ugliness that is so intolerable that we have to change it every six months
Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them more.
Oscar Wilde
Anyone who lives within their own means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
The best way people can learn about money is not to have any.
Katherine Whitehorn
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought equal. Luckily this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton
Democracy is the belief that more than half the people are right more than half the time.
E.B.White
Dogs are like girls; having one or two around is fun, but when you get a whole group of them together it turns nasty.
Scott Westerfield
Here's what I know about dogs: having one or two with me while I'm walking brings pretty girls to me.
Scott Westerfield
Sometimes I get in trouble when the thoughts in my head get bored and take a walk out of my mouth.
Scott Westerfield
You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
Mae West
You ought to slip out of those wet clothes - and into a dry Martini.
Mae West
I have climbed the ladder of success ... one wrong at a time.
Mae West
You may admire my curves when we first meet, but a closer look will reveal new angles.
Mae West
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Dr Charles Jarvis
I've been rich; I've been poor.
Believe me, rich is better.
Mae West
When a girl goes wrong, men go right ... after her.
Mae West
Is that a gun in your underwear or are you just pleased to see me?
Mae West
I go for two types of men.
The locals and the imports.
Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not going to be institutionalized.
Mae West
So many men, so little time.
Mae West
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another in case it doesn't rain.
Mae West
To err is human - but it feels divine.
Mae West
I used to be just like Snow White ... but I drifted.
Mae West
I avoid temptation - unless I can't resist it.
Mae West
It's better to be looked over than overlooked.
Mae West
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Mae West
When I'm good I'm very, very good.
When I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West
It's not the men in my life that count; it's the life in my men.
Mae West
Why don't you come and see me right now, I've got nothing on but the radio.
Mae West
A hard man is good to find
Mae West
To0 much of a good things is wonderful
Mae West
I support prohibition - I make a lot of money from it
Mae West
To purpose of growing older is to avoid maturity
Dick Werthimer
Between two evils, I always choose the one I haven't tried before
Mae West
My dog is worried about food prices.
Champ is now $3.00 per can - that's $11.00 in dog money!
Joe Weinstein
For every action there is an equal an opposite government programme
Bob Wells
My doctor ordered me to stop having
intimate diners for four. Unless there are three other people
present.
Orson Welles
Ask not what you can do for your
country; ask "what's for lunch"
Orson Welles
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, what matters if whether I win or lose.
Darrin Weinberg
Why do women take the fun out of sexual discrimination?
Bill Watterson
Sometimes I think the most compelling evidence of intelligent life out in the universe is because none of them have tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
We are not intelligent; we just have a total command of thoroughly useless information.
Matthew Grierson
(On winning another pub quiz)
Biology has at least 50 interesting years ahead of it
James Watson
(Co discoverer of the structure of DNA)
Be careful, we don't want to learn from this
Bill Watterson
Art is anything you can get away with
Andy Warhol
I am a deeply superficial person
Andy Warhol
Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted - the trouble is, I don't know which half.
John Wanamaker
Why does the Air Force need new bombers?
Have the people we've been bombing all these years started to complain?
George Wallace
"Wikipedia is non-profit.
It was either the dumbest thing or smartest thing I ever did"
Jimmy Wales
(Founder of Wikipedia)
Reality is the leading cause of stress for those who are in touch with it
Jane Wagner
By the time a man realises his father may have been right, he normally has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself
Jane Wagner
Those who believe in mind power, raise my hand.
Kurt Vonnegut
In mathematics you don't understand things, you just get used to them
Johann von Neumann
The art of medicine is to distract the patient while nature takes care of the rest.
Voltaire
It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
Voltaire
Today's modern politicians no longer write there own speeches, or press releases or even there autobiographies, and there is evidence many can not read them either.
Gore Vidal
To shorten winter, borrow money that has to be repaid in spring!
W.J Vogel
Only half the population read the paper and only half the population bother to vote.
I only hope it's the same half
Gore Vidal
There's no human problem that couldn't be solved if people would simply do as I say
Gore Vital
Anyone who wants to run for Prime Minister should be automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so
Gore Vidal
It's not satisfying enough just to succeed - others must fail
Gore Vital
No one traveling on a business trip would be missed if they failed to arrive
Thorstein Veblen
The outcome of any serious research can only be to finish with more questions than at the start of it
Thorstein Veblen
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up to midnight on New Years eve.
Middle age is when you are forced to!
Bill Vaughan
An optimist stays up to mid night to see the New Year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves
Bill Vaughan
If there is anything a nonconformist hates more than a conformist is a non conformist that doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan
We learn something new every day, and often it's what we learned the day before was wrong!
Bill Vaughan
The trouble with the future is it's not what it used to be
Paul Valery
It's true I was born in America, but I'm not so sure that my twin brother was!
Abigail Van Buren
Cats are smarter than dogs.
Have you ever seen eight cats tied together pulling a sled through snow?
Jeff Valdez
God made everything out of nothing - and the nothing shows through!
Paul Valery
n all democracies, through pressure to conform, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from.
Peter Ustinov
People who reach the top of the corporate tree are the only ones who don't have the right qualifications to keep them at the bottom.
Peter Ustinov
Critics search for hours to find the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.
Peter Ustinov
Her (his) virtue is (s)he says what (s)he thinks.
Her (his) vice is what (s)he says doesn't amount to much.
Peter Ustinov
A healthy male bore can consume up to two and a half times his body weight in other peoples patience each year.
John Updike
America is a vast conspiracy that was made for the enjoyment of the rest of the world.
John Updike
Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment
Unknown
Suggested Book title
J.F.K - The Man and the Airport
Unknown
The human race is faced with a distasteful choice every morning - work or daytime TV
Unknown
Today's modern calculator has 18 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tonnes.
The calculator of the future may have 1000 vacuum tubes and weigh as little as 1.5 tonnes
Popular Mechanics
March 1949
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
Unknown
People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass a rich woman than a motor bike gang
Unknown
If power corrupts, why do we keep using electricity?
Unknown
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege
Unknown
A gentleman is someone who can play the ukulele but doesn't
Unknown
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein
Unknown
Laws are sand. Customs are rock.
Mark Twain
I am not one of those who when expressing an opinion, confine myself to the facts
Mark Twain
The report of my death was an exaggeration
Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children
Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that this country has three priceless things: the freedom of speech, freedom of conscience and the prudence to never practice either of them
Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, then success is assured.
Mark Twain
and I can not remember a single instance in my life where I have been irreverent, except towards things that were sacred to other people.
Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way round the earth while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Mark Twain
When taken in moderation, a little water will never hurt anyone
Mark Twain
There are times when yelling a profanity is more effective than a silent prayer
Mark Twain
Part of the secret of enjoying life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of the government - but then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
I was most gratified to be able to answer the question promptly and in complete honesty. I said: "I don't know".
Mark Twain
If you bring a starving dog back to full health it will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog.
Mark Twain
If I was challenged to a duel, I would take that person by the hand and kindly and forgivingly lead them to a quiet place then put a bullet through their head.
Mark Twain
I only take exercise during periods of rest and sleep.
Mark Twain
Although I am opposed to millionaires, I would accept becoming one if the right offer was made.
Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain
We can easily learn from adversity - especially when it's someone else's.
Mark Twain
Fiction is obliged to stick with possibilities: the truth isn't.
Mark Twain
Beware of following the advice from health books. You might die from a misprint.
Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn things. Statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
A rumour without a leg to stand on will find some other way to get around.
John Tudor
A banker is a person who lends you his umbrella while the sun is shining and takes it back when it begins to rain.
Mark Twain
The best at guessing makes the best prophet.
Cicero
It takes a strong person to withstand repeated attacks of prosperity.
J L Basford
I've been rich, I've been poor. Believe me, rich is better.
Sophie Tucker
No man's life, liberty or property are safe when parliament is in session.
Gideon J Tucker (Judge)
Diplomacy is the art of knowing what not to say.
Matthew Trump
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our universe is one of those things that happen from time to time.
Edward P Tryon
A little more moderation would be good, but my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
Donald Trump
Show me a person without an ego and I'll show you a loser.
Donald Trump
I never did give anybody hell. I told the truth and they thought it was hell.
Harry Truman
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job. It's a depression when you lose yours.
Harry Truman
No person will ever end their term as President with the reputation they had when they started.
Thomas Jefferson 1796
My feeling about holding the position of President is like a man sentenced to death and being led to his place of execution.
George Washington 1789
Some things I never learned to like.
I never liked kissing babies, but I did enjoy kissing their mothers.
Pierre Trudeau
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman
The most remarkable thing about my mother is she kept the family alive on left-overs for 25 years. The original meal was never found.
Calvin Trillin
Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.
Pierre Trudeau
98% of people in this country are decent, hard working and honest...it's the other 2% that get all the publicity - but then we did elect them.
Lily Tomlin
Even if you manage to win the rat race you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
Alvin Toffler
Hobbits are just rustic English people made in a small size because it reflects the small reach of their imagination.
J R R Tolkien
I don't want a psychiatrist for the simple reason that if they listened to me long enough they might become disturbed.
James Thurber
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
James Thurber
It is strange that the same people who make fun of science fiction take advice from weather forecasters and economists.
Kelvin Throop III
I hate women because they always remember where I left things
James Thurber
Thank God humans cannot fly and lay waste to the skies as well as the earth.
Henry David Thoreau (1854)
Household chores are completed more quickly and easily when done by someone else.
Jim Thorpe
After working two years in Washington, I long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.
Fred Thompson
Absolute truth is a rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.
Hunter S Thompson
The great thing about language is it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.
Lewis Thomas
Politics is the one place where the laws of nature are defied. It is where sound travels faster than light.
C.V.R. Thompson
Now begins a torrent of words and a trickling of sense.
Theocritus of Chios (apx 260BC)
Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you'll never be asked to do a thing.
Paul Theroux
To wear your heart on your sleeve is not a good plan. having it inside your chest is where it functions best.
Margaret Thatcher - the iron lady
Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is someone like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theismann
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to a department store and he asked me for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
There is a demand these days for people who can make wrong appear right.
Terence (apx 160BC)
For sleep, riches and health to be truly enjoyed, they must first be interrupted.
Jean Paul Richter - 1819
For sleep, riches, health and electricity to be truly enjoyed, they must first be interrupted.
Joyce Leuchten - 2011
You can be sure that if a person has no vices they'll have some pretty annoying virtues.
Elizabeth Taylor
Temptation rarely comes in working hours.
W.N.Taylor
When a messenger arrives and says "don't shoot me I'm only the messenger", it's a good idea to be prepared to shoot him just in case.
Howard Tayler
A boring person is one, who, when you ask, "How are you?", tells you.
Bert Leston Taylor
When oil prices fall it only makes the news so the gas stations become aware of it.
Bill Tammers
The nice thing about statistics is there are so many to choose from.
Andrew S. Tanenbaum
It was a bold man who ate the first oyster.
Johnathan Swift
Two wrongs don't make a right - but they make a good excuse.
Thomas Szasz
In business and with life in general, when you're up to your neck in trouble - follow the rats.
Claude Swanson
People who keep dogs are cowards who don't have the courage to bite people themselves.
August Stringberg
A dinner lubricates business.
Lord William Stowell
Nothing is more admirable than the way millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
Rex Stout
Skill without imagination is called craftsmanship.
Imagination without skill is called modern art.
Tom Stoppard
Eternity's a terrible thought - I mean when is it all going to end?
Tom Stoppard
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Tom Stoppard
The days of the digital watch are numbered.
Tom Stoppard
Call me a dinosaur. I'd rather page through a photo album with my sweetheart, grab a newspaper on the way to work or read a book in the weekend than do all this in front of a computer.
Clifford Stoll
While you're alive you get accused of things you never did.
When you're dead you get credited with virtues you never had.
Matthew Grierson
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors as they move their way inextricably toward the mistake with titanic outcomes.
Benjamin Stolberg
Why is it addicts and computer boffins are both called users?
Clifford Stoll
I want to make a deal with the opposition party.
If they stop telling lies about us, we'll stop telling the truth about them.
Adlai E Stevenson Jr
Politics and prostitution are perhaps the only professions for which no training is required.
Robert Louis Stevenson
There is no difference between unethical advertising and ethical advertising.
Unethical advertising uses lies and falsehoods to deceive the public.
Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public
Vilhjalmur Stefanssen
Everyone gets so much information these days that they have lost their common sense.
Gertrude Stein (written 1937)
A single death is a tragedy.
A million deaths is a statistic.
Joseph Stalin
Experience is what you get when you get what you don't want
Dan Stanford
The great thing about democracy is it gives each voter the chance to be stupid.
Art Spander
The people who cast the votes decide nothing.
The people who count the votes decide everything.
Joseph Stalin
There are two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously or posthumously
Thomas Sowell
Much of the social history of the western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.
Thomas Sowell
By all means marry.
If you get a good spouse you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
A vision without action is called a day dream.
Action without a vision is called a nightmare.
Jim Sorensen
How many of our dreams would turn into nightmares if they came true?
Logan Pearsall Smith
Red meat is not bad for you.
If you want meat that is bad for you, try some that has a blue-green colour.
Tommy Smothers
There are few sorrows that are so deep and painful that could not be eased with a good income.
Logan Pearsall Smith
It is so wretched being rich!
I have to associate with other rich people!
Logan Pearsall Smith
There is nothing more enchanting than the voices of young people when you can't hear them
Logan Pearsall Smith
The denunciation of the young is necessary for the health in older people. It greatly assists their blood circulation.
Logan Pearsall Smith
Consistency is the quality of a stagnant mind.
John Sloan
I do not forgive my friends for dying. I find their vanishing acts most unamusing.
Logan Pearsall Smith
I often wish I had time to cultivate my modesty, but I'm always too busy thinking about myself.
Edith Sitwell
According to some experts, the future will be the past repeating - only more expensive.
John Sladek
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
Anonymous
Take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
Anonymous
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Anonymous
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the journey.
Anonymous
If you want to skydive once you don't need a parachute, but if you want to skydive twice, you will need a parachute.
Anonymous
I asked god for a motorbike, but it did not come, so I stole a motorbike and asked for God's forgiveness ... that's they way God likes to work!
Anonymous
Behind every successful man is usually a woman. Behind the demise of every successful man is usually a woman.
Anonymous
A clear conscience is a sign of a fuzzy memory.
Anonymous
Whenever I fill in an application, in the part that says 'in case of an emergency, notify...', I write DOCTOR.
Anonymous
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
Anonymous
A train station is where a train stops.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
On my desk is a work station.
Anonymous
When I started my working life I thought I wanted a decent career.
I now realise I only ever wanted a decent pay cheque.
Anonymous
The evening news is where the reader begins 'Good evening', then proceeds to tell you why it isn't.
Anonymous
To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
Anonymous
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Anonymous
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in the fruit salad.
Anonymous
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Anonymous
Light travels faster than sound. this is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Anonymous
I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they get up in the morning it's the best they're going to feel all day
Frank Sinatra
You've done a nice job decorating the White house.
Jessica Simpson (upon being introduced to Gale Norton the Interior Secretary)
In Texas we have a different word for sushi: bait
Jose Simon
Twenty three is old. It's almost twenty five, which is mid twenties
Jessica Simpson
Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a dog.
Caroline K Simon
If the pen is mightier than the sword, lets give all the thugs and criminals lap tops and take their weapons away from them
Matthew Grierson
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make one perfectly pure?
Harry Shearer
A picture is worth a thousand words.
An interface is worth a thousand pictures
Ben Shneiderman
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything - that points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
We don't bother about dress and manners because as a country, we don't dress well and we've got no manners
George Bernard Shaw
Youth is a wonderful thing.
What a shame it is to waste it on children.
George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol is a wonderful thing. It enables parliament to do things at 11.00 at night that no sane person would do at 11.00 in the morning
George Bernard Shaw
Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
I can forgive Alfred Nobel for inventing dynamite, but only the devil in human form could have invented the Nobel prizes.
George Bernard Shaw
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
George Bernard Shaw
Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich - something for nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that we never learn from history.
George Bernard Shaw
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
George Bernard Shaw
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Americans adore me and will continue to adore until I say something nice about them.
George Bernard Shaw
America and England are two countries separated by a common language.
George Bernard Shaw
Everything will happen to you if you live long enough.
George Bernard Shaw
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
George Bernard Shaw
How quick and easy it to rise from affluence to poverty.
Mark Twain
If forced to choose between prison and presidency, I would choose four years in prison.
William Tecumseh
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
George Bernard Shaw
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you might as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw
Our country, right or wrong. When right to be kept right, when wrong to be put right.
Carl Schurz (1829 - 1906)
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give love, and to let it come in.
Morrie Schwartz
The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary.
Vidal Sassoon
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
Dr Robert Schuller
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
J.W. Schopf
My feeling is that there is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others, and comforting those who are sad.
Olive Schreiner
Talent hits a target nobody else can hit; Genius hits a target nobody else can see.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Compassion is the basis for all morality.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Some people
think football results are a matter of life and
death.
I take it much
more seriously than that.
Bill
Shankly
If you can
solve a problem, then what’s the use of worrying? If you can’t solve a problem,
then what’s the use of worrying?
Shantideva
Adults are just obsolete children
Dr Seuss
My doctor gave me two weeks to live.
I hope that one of them is my birthday and the other is over Christmas
Ronnie Shakes
Everybody is talking about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it.
Mark Twain
A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Samuel Johnson
Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
Anonymous
An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.
Anonymous
It is difficult to produce a TV documentary that is probing and incisive when every twelve minutes it is interrupted by dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper
Rod Serling
There is no great genius who is without a touch of madness.
Seneca
It is pleasant at times to play the mad man.
Sencea (35AD)
Those who boast of their ancestry are praising the deeds of others
Sencea
There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
Peter Sellers
There must be more to life than having everything.
Maurice Sendak
For every person who wants to teach there are about 30 children who do not want to be taught.
W.C. Sellar (1932)
A rise in pay is like a martini; it lifts the spirits, but only temporarily.
Dan Seligman
Isn't it amazing that with all the things that happen in the world every day it exactly fits both the newspaper and the news hour.
Jerry Seinfeld
Education is when you read the fine print.
Experience is what you get if you don't.
Pete Seger
I still don't know how to change people, but I have a long list in case I ever figure it out.
David Sedaris
At first writing for the newspaper scared me to death - it was the font they used that freaked me out.
David Sedaris
Sometimes I lie in bed and think "Where did I go wrong"?
Then a voice says to me "This is going to take longer than one night"
Charlie Brown/Schulz
Yesterday I was a dog.
Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably be a dog
*sigh*
There's so little hope for advancement
Snoopy/Schulz
Don't worry about the world coming to an end.
It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M Schultz
No problem is so big you can't walk away from it
Charles M Schultz
You never hear the real truth from your staff until after drinks in the evening.
Jurgen Schrempp
Being an atheist takes a lot of faith.
Andrew Schneider
Against stupidity, the Gods themselves compete in vain
Frederich von Schiller
By early winter I always like to have put on an extra 5 kilos.
Diane Frolov
A passion for quotations uncovers absence of original thought.
Dorothy Sayers
If the universe is bigger and stronger than we can imagine, it's best to meet them with an empty bladder and bowel.
John Scalzi
Goodbye.
I am leaving because I'm bored.
George Saunders (his very last words)
The traveller must of course always be cautious of the overly broad generalisation. but I am an American and a paucity of data does not stop me from making sweeping, vague and conceptual statements, if necessary following these statements up with troops.
George Saunders
Set thine house in order.
Isaiah, ch. 38 v. 1
The opportunity for doing mischief is found a hundred times a day, and of doing good once in a year.
Voltaire
Finance is the art of passing money from one hand to another hand until it disappears.
Robert W Sarnoff
Three o'clock is always too late to start and too early to begin things you'd rather be doing.
Jean-Paul Sartre
If you believe the health experts, nothing is healthy.
If you believe the clergy, no one is pure.
If you believe the military, no one is safe.
Lord Salisbury
It's time we voted for politicians with breasts, not politicians who make boobs.
Claire Sergent
Oh Lord, help me to be pure - but not yet.
St Augustine
A little inaccuracy saves tons of explanation.
Saki
Sanity calms.
Madness is more interesting.
John Russell
The best theory I've heard about Saturn's rings is they are made entirely of lost airline luggage.
Mark Russell.
We live in Newtonian world of Einsteinium physics ruled by Frankenstein logic.
David Russell
The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth starting and ending with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.
Bertrand Russell
There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge
Bertrand Russell
A symptom of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that ones work is terribly important
Bertrand Russell
When one admits nothing is certain, one must also admit that some things are much more nearly certain than others
Bertrand Russell
People who are unhappy and people who sleep badly are both always very proud of the fact
Bertrand Russell
The role of the father in the modern family is very small - particularly if he plays golf.
Bertrand Russell
The time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time
Bertrand Russell
My mother buried three husbands.
Two of them were only taking a nap!
Rita Rudner
A Hollywood marriage is a success if it outlasts milk
Rita Rudner
My mother I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward to sunlight.
Rita Rudner.
Just as I was going to have plastic surgery. I changed my mind.
All the wall pictures were Picasso's
Rita Rudner
One mans folly is another mans wife
Helen Rowland
If at first you don't succeed, stop and figure out what went wrong
Leo Rosten
Money can't buy happiness, but neither can it buy poverty
Leo Rosten
I can never believe the unbelievable things people believe in
Leo Rosten
My pessimism extends to the point of suspecting the sincerity of the worst cynic
Jean Rostand
The worst moment for atheists is when they are totally grateful and have no one to thank
Dante Gabriel Rossetti
People say to learn from the mistakes of others.
I say stuff them, I'm going to learn them all myself.
Matthew Grierson
When the names of politicians are called, the politicians don't know if they should answer 'present' or 'not guilty'
Theodore Roosevelt
Get married early in the morning. If it doesn't work out you haven't wasted the day
Mickey Rooney
I don't make jokes, I watch the government and report the facts
Will Rogers
The more I read about politics the more I have to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Will Rogers
Income tax has made more liars than the game of golf.
Will Rogers
Live in such a way that you wouldn't be worried if you sold your parrot to the press
Will Rogers
There's no trick in being a comedian - you've got the whole of the government working for you
Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for
Will Rogers
I never thought I'd see the day when girls got sun burnt in the places they do today.
Will Rogers
If an onion can make us cry, where is the vegetable that makes us laugh?
Will Rogers
I can think of nothing more pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
John D Rockafeller
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality
that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Feminism is a socialist, anti family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witch craft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians
Pat Robertson
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in the government and business.
Tom Robbins
If I ever see a jogger smiling, I'll try it.
Joan Rivers
God made women beautiful, but the devil made them pretty.
Victor Hugo
One boy is more trouble than a dozen girls.
Old English Proverb
Happiness arises from in a state of peace, not tumult.
Ann Radcliffe
I never trust people's assertions, I always judge them by their actions.
Ann Radcliffe
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for his reputation if he didn't
Jules Renard
The tooth fairy teaches children it is ok to sell body parts for money
David Richerby
I'm not being lazy, I'm resting before I get tired
Jules Renard
The most terrifying words in the human language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help"
Ronald Reagan
The best minds are not in government; if they were, business would hire them.
Ronald Reagan
The government's view of the economy can be summed up very simply: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidise it.
Ronald Reagan
Facts are stupid things.
Ronald Reagan
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are great rewards. If you fail, you write a book.
Ronald Reagan
I have given orders to be woken at any time in the event of a national emergency - even if I'm in a cabinet meeting
Ronald Reagan
Politics is said to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realise how closely it resembles the oldest
Ronald Reagan
I believe people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Nancy Reagan
Abortion is only advocated by people who themselves have been born
Ronald Reagan
An intellectual snob is someone who listens to the William Tell Overture and does not think of the Lone Ranger.
Dan Rather
I hate life.
I hate death.
Everything that happens in between doesn't interest me.
Chris Rapier
Character is forged in the smallest struggles then when
the big one comes along we’re ready.
Steve Dublanica
The future is much like the present – only
longer.
Dan Quisenberry
People will not want to know the misquotes of Dan Quayle.
Dan Quayle
I do not care to enlighten you about the mistakes I may or may not have made.
Dan Quayle
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.
Dan Quayle
For NASA, space is still a high priority.
Dan Quayle
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
Dan Quayle
The holocaust was an obscene event in our nation's history. I mean this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century
Dan Quayle
I believe that we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that may change
Dan Quayle
We are going to have the best educated people in the world
Dan Quayle
The one word that sums up the responsibility of being the Vice President is 'be prepared'
Dan Quayle
What a waste of time it is to loose one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all is very wasteful.
How true that is.
Dan Quayle
Welcome President Bush, Mrs Bush and my fellow astronauts.
Dan Quayle
When I have been asked who caused the riots and killings in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple.The rioters are to blame for the riots, the killers are to blame for the killings.
Dan Quayle
I understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
Dan Quayle
The future will be better tomorrow.
Dan Quayle
We have a firm commitment to NATO.
We are part of NATO.
We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are part of Europe.
Dan Quayle
People that are really weird can get
into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
Dan Quayle
If the the human mind was simple enough to understand we'd be too simple to understand it.
Emerson Pugh
There is more profit in the distasteful truth than deceiptful sweetness.
Emerson Pugh
When we stop to think we often miss the opportunity.
Publilius Syrus
Nothing can be done both in haste and with prudence.
Publilius Syrus
Guests are like rain - if they linger too long they become a nuisance.
Yiddish Proverb
Pardon one offense and you encourage many more.
Publilus Syrus
If you can not endure the bad times you will not live to see the good times.
Yiddish Proverb
Bygone troubles are a pleasure to talk about.
Yiddish Proverb
At high tide the fish eat the ants.
At low tide the ants eat the fish.
Thai Proverb
An mans worst enemy can't wish on him what he does to himself.
Yiddish Proverb
Education is a hindrance to persisting stupidity.
Spanish Proverb
How beautiful it is to do nothing then rest afterward.
Spanish Proverb
When there are no deadlines it will never get done.
Scottish Proverb
Speak the truth then leave immediately.
Slovenian Proverb
Don't piss in the well; you will be thirsty one day.
Russian Proverb
Danger passed. Helpers forgotten
Scottish Proverb
A guest sees more in an hour than a host sees in a year
Polish Proverb
Eagles soar alone
Sheep flock together
Polish Proverb
He who waits for a chance may wait a long time
Nigerian Proverb
A brave man dies once; a coward many times
Native American Proverb
He who does not venture has no luck
Mexican Proverb
He who does not look ahead remains behind
Mexican Proverb
When a pessimist is faced with two bad choices, he selects both
Jewish Proverb
If the rich could hire the poor to die for them, the poor would make a very good living.
Jewish Proverb
Never rely on the beauty of a morning or the smiles of your mother-in-law
Japanese Proverb
The reverse side also has a reverse side
Japanese Proverb
A politician must always think twice before saying nothing
Irish Proverb
Better to have no laws than laws not enforced
Italian Proverb
Eat and drink with relatives; do business with strangers.
Greek Proverb
Every time you laugh a nail is removed from your coffin
Honduran Proverb
If you want the truth ask a drunk or a child.
French Proverb
Danger and delight grow on the same branch
English Proverb
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor
English Proverb
In the courtroom of conscience there is always a case in progress
Dutch Proverb
Cheese, wine and friends must be old to be good.
Cuban Proverb
If heaven made him, earth can find some use for him.
Cuban Proverb
He who strikes the first blow admits he has lost the argument
Chinese Proverb
If you are patient in a moment of anger you will escape 100 days of regrets
Chinese Proverb
Dig the well before you are thirsty.
Chinese Proverb
If you ask you may look like a fool for a minute. If you don't ask, you will be a fool for life.
Chinese Proverb
Deep doubts, deep wisdom; small doubts, small wisdom.
Chinese Proverb
If you don't want anyone to know; don't do it.
Chinese Proverb
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
American Proverb
If you don't have a plan for yourself, you'll be part of someone else's.
American Proverb
A lady is a woman who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman.
American Proverb
Ambition is a putting ladder against the sky.
American Proverb
Better to give a friend a dollar than lend them ten.
Albanian Proverb
If you lend, you either lose money or lose a friend.
Albanian Proverb
A fool and water will go the way they are diverted.
African Proverb
Don't try to fight a lion if you are not one yourself.
African Proverb
Advice is least heeded when it is most needed.
American Proverb
No matter how rich, famous or powerful you are, the number of people at your funeral depends largely on the weather.
Michael Pritchard
Americans need the telephone; we don't; we have plenty of messenger boys.
Sir William Preece
Chief engineer of the British Post Office 1878
I don't know anything about music. In my line of business you don't have to.
Elvis Presley
The trouble with having an open mind is people want to put things in it.
Terry Pratchett
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
This is true; it's called life.
Terry Pratchett
A good education is like an STI.
It makes you unsuitable for lots of jobs and you have an uncontrollable urge to pass it on
Terry Pratchett
If you fill a glass exactly 50%, and told people it was theirs, some would say it is half full; some would say it is half empty.
I would look at it and say "This is not my glass! My glass was full - and it was bigger than this - go and get me my glass.
Terry Pratchett
It is important to be sober when taking an exam.
Many successful careers in street cleaning, rubbish collecting and fruit picking have been built on the lack of understanding of this simple fact.
Terry Pratchett
To ensure success in a retail eatery, follow these simple rules: smile, don't give credit, and balance the four main food groups - these being sugar, starch, grease and lots of burnt crunchy bits.
Terry Pratchett
In the beginning there was nothing, then it exploded.
Terry Pratchett
If you give a person a fire they will be warm for a day, if you set fire to the person they will be warm for life.
Terry Pratchett
For animals the world is neatly divided into things to a) mate with, b) eat, c) run away from, d) other stuff.
Terry Pratchett
I'd be more enthusiastic about thinking outside the square if I saw evidence of thinking inside the square.
Terry Pratchett
A person's respect for the law is proportional to the size of their pay packet.
Adam Clayton Powell Jr
Many things are looked upon as impossible until they are done.
Pliny the Elder - written circa 60AD
There is always something new out of Africa
Pliny the EIder - written circa 60AD
have never met a mathematician who is capable of reasoning
Plato
A liberal is a person whose interests are not at stake at the moment.
Willis Player
One of the few things that come easily to everyone is age
Gloria Pitzer
Wise people talk when they have something to say.
Fools talk because they have to say something
Plato
In archaeology you uncover the unknown, in politics you cover the known.
Thomas Pickering
Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Laurence J Peter
The incompetent can do nothing and still make a mess of it.
Laurence J Peter
Despite the high cost of living, it's still very popular
Laurence J Peter
Originality is the skill of remembering, but forgetting you had ever heard it before.
Laurence J Peter
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long after the quo has lost its status
Laurence J Peter
Democracy is a process where people are free to choose who they will blame
Laurence J Peter
America is a country that doesn't know where it's going, but is determined to get there first.
Laurence J Peter
An economist is an expert who will explain tomorrow why the predictions he made yesterday didn't happen today
Laurence J Peter
If we assume the left wing or the right wing has got control; either way, the country will go round in circles.
Pat Paulsen
I proudly boasted to my friends I'd given up smoking.
They all called me a quitter.
Steven Pearl
l never be famous because I don't do anything - nothing!
I used to bite my nails but I don't even do that anymore.
Dorothy Parker
Take care of the luxuries in life and the necessities will take care of themselves
Dorothy Parker
I'll never be a millionaire, but I know I'd be good at it.
Dorothy Parker
I don't care what's written about me as long as it's not true.
Dorothy Parker
Don't look back; something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige
How old would you be if you didn't know you age?
(US Pro baseballer. Played his last pro game age 59 years 349 days)
Satchel Paige
One of the first duties of a doctor is to educate the patients not to take medicine.
Dr William Osler
Age is mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter
Satchel Page
There's no reason for an individual to have a computer in their home
Ken Olsen - President Digital Equipment 1979
It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand
Suze Orman
I take my
children everywhere but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben
Never raise
your hand to strike a child – it leaves your stomach unprotected
Robert Orben
The mystery of government is not how it works, but how to make it stop working.
P.J. O'Rourke
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool relies on them
P.J.O'Rourke
All the world's a stage and we are all unrehearsed
Sean O'Casey
Sure there are dishonest people in local government, but there are dishonest people in national government also
Richard Nixon
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
(written in 1924)
Edgar Wilson Nye
Only sick music makes money today.
(written circa 1880 on Wagner)
Friedrich Nietzsche
Insanity in individuals is rare, but in groups, parties and nations it is the rule.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I have enough trouble remembering my opinions without having to remember the reasons for them.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Crime does not pay - as well as politics
Alfred E Newman
A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows faith does not prove anything
Friedrich Nietzsche
I often wonder which is mine -
Tolerance or a rubber spine.
Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
Progress might have been alright once, but it has been going on far to long.
Ogden Nash
Nobody trusts the official spokesperson, but everyone believes the anonymous source
Ron Nesen
The things I hate in life a simple: oppression, cruelty, crime, country music ...
Vladimir Nabokov
A door is what a dog is always on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash
Anyone who isn't confused doesn't understand the situation.
Edward R Murrow
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
That's how dogs spend their entire lives.
Sue Murphy
No one appreciates your unique genius as much as your dog.
Christopher Morley
The reason why there are so few women in politics is it takes too long to put make-up on two faces.
Maureen Murphy
Some of my worst mistakes have been haircuts.
Jim Morrison
Death is only going to happen to me once. I don't want to miss it.
Jim Morrison
I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor.
Roger Moore
A kleptomaniac is someone who helps them self because they can't help them self.
Henry Morgan
Quotes are all very well, but when you're in real trouble they're not a bit of help.
Lucy Montgomery
The best car safety devise is a rear view mirror with a cop in it.
Dudley Moore
Science has proof without certainty.
Creationists have certainty without proof.
Ashley Montague
A journalist is a fool who who is not content with boring the people they live with; they also insist on boring the general public
Charles de Montesquieu
I despise the act of pleasing people I despise.
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
I give myself admirable advice but find myself incapable of taking it.
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and give you fifty cents for your soul.
Marilyn Monroe
I've been on calendars, but never on time.
Marilyn Monroe
To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with my head between the legs of a woman I'd never seen before.
Wilson Mizner
I have yet to meet a celebrity who is as interesting or as smart as any of my friends.
Moby
Life is tough, but after the first 100 years it gets easier.
Wilson Mizner
Be nice to people as you climb the ladder of success because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
Wilson Mizner
Imagine if TV was actually good. It would be the end of everything we know!
Marvin Minsky
Cats regard people as heated furniture.
Jacquelyn Mitchard
You probably wouldn't worry about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.
Olin Miller
The people who will never hurt or insult you are all corpses.
Randy Milholland
A successful crime is one which although being simple, straightforward and successful leaves the police so baffled they are too embarrassed to report it.
Randy K Milholland
The slow and steady person wins the race then wastes no time in rubbing salt into the losers wounds.
Randy K Milholland
Typos are very important in newspapers. It distracts the reader from the total lack of content in the article.
Matthew Grierson
Conscience is the inner voice the tells you 'somebody may be watching'
Henry Mencken
The older I get, the more I distrust the saying that age brings wisdom.
H.L.Mencken
The people the public most admire are the extravagant and daring liars while the people they distrust most violently are those why try to tell them the truth.
H.L. Mencken
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H.L. Mencken
The penalty for laughing in court is six months jail.
It's only because of this threat that the jury gets to hear any evidence.
H.L. Mencken
The Vatican decrees that it is lawful for a woman to use mathematics to avoid pregnancy, but she is still forbidden to use chemistry or physics.
H.L. Mencken
It is the dull people who are always sure and it is sure people who are always dull.
H.L. Mencken
Brains and hearts go where they are appreciated.
Robert McNamara
For centuries philosophers have been debating the unknowable in terms not worth knowing.
H.L. Mencken
As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again to today
How I wish he'd stay away.
Hughes Mearns
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other.
Anonymous
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Marshall McLuhan
Every society honours its dead troublemakers and its live conformists.
Mignon McLaughlin
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Mignon McLaughlin
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times over - preferably with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin
If I knew why I was so anxious I wouldn't be so anxious.
Mignon McLaughlin
No one listens to anyone any more and if you try it for a while you'll know why.
Mignon McLaughlin
I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side. I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.
Bethania McKenstry
Be aware a halo only has to fall a little way to become a noose.
Dan McKinnon
Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient technology. It's called rain.
Michael McClary
I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant
Robert McCloskey
Being in politics is like being a football coach.
You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important
Eugene McCarthy
It's dangerous for a politician to say things that people might remember
Eugene McCarthy
The fact that great many people believe in something is no guarantee of its truth.
Somerset Maugham
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages
William H Mauldin
The dead look so terribly dead when they're dead.
Somerset Maugham
If nobody spoke unless they had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech
Somerset Maugham
Tradition is a guide, not jailer
Somerset Maugham
Weak people exaggerate the importance of not changing their minds
Somerset Maugham
Dying is a very dull and dreary affair.
My advice to you is to have absolutely nothing to do with it
Somerset Maugham
It was such a lovely day I thought it would be stupid if I got out of bed
Somerset Maugham
Being superstitious brings bad luck.
Andrew Mathis
It is very hard to take yourself too seriously when you view the earth from outer space
Thomas Mattingly
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
These are my principles and if you don't like them, well, I've got others.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this one wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
All countries have three social classes; rich, middle and poor.
In America it's the same but they call them upper middle class, middle class and lower middle class.
Judith Martin
I find TV a very educational tool.
Every time someone turns it on I go to another room and read.
Groucho Marx
I bought a cactus. One week later it died. I feel into depression. I knew then that I was less nurturing than a desert.
Dometi Martini
The overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they mess up there is no law from stopping you from whacking it around a bit.
Joe Martin
When someone tells you they got rich through hard work, ask them, "Whose?''
Don Marquis
If you drink; don't drive, don't bother trying to chip or putt either.
Dean Martin
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
Jean-Paul Marat
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.
Mao Tse-Tung
Times have not become more violent, they have just become televised.
Marilyn Manson
If the devil did exist he'd be worshiping me because I'm more successful
Marilyn Manson
Society tries to find scapegoats for its problems.
Well, here I am
Marilyn Manson
Once the press touches a story the truth is lost forever.
Norman Mailer
Be careful with quotations, they can damn you forever.
Andre Malraux
Every journalist has a novel inside them and that's where it should stay.
Russell Lynes
Computers can figure out the solutions to all sorts of problems except for things that simply don't add up
James Magary
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm you'll be fired with enthusiasm
Vince Lombardi
The average person thinks they aren't
Father Larry Lorenzoni
Time sneaks up on you like a bug on a windscreen
John Lithgow
When a politician says yes it means maybe
When a politician says maybe it means no
When a politician says no, he or she is no longer a politician
Anonymous
'Easy' is a word used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
Nancy Linn-Desmond
The four stages humans pass through are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.
Art Linkletter
If this is coffee, please bring me tea, but if this is tea, please bring me coffee.
Abraham Lincoln
People that have no vices tend to have no virtues.
Abraham Lincoln
Freedom of the press is confined to those who own one.
A.J. Leibling
I don't blame the government. If I had all that money at my disposal I'd be reckless with it also.
Litchy & Wagner
"That politician is so corrupt he'll double cross a bridge".
Oscar Levant
When I was young my dad sat down with me, looked me seriously in the eye and said: "If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm".
Sam Levenson
Traffic signals in the Philippines are only suggestions.
David Letterman
Behind all the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
Oscar Levant
Everyone has a purpose in life. Yours is watching TV.
David Letterman
Life is like a sewer; what you put in is what you get out.
Tom Lehrer
A plea to all you authors and journalists - please leave out the boring bits.
Elmore Leonard
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
Barry LePatner
Cannibals prefer spineless people.
Stanislaw Lem
Why have we never seen a headline that reads 'Psychic wins the lottery'?
Jay Leno
The law has now reached its natural conclusion.
We now cannot discriminate on grounds of race, colour, sex, religion and now also on ability
Tom Lehrer
I wish people who have trouble communicating would shut up
Tom Lehrer
Power corrupts, absolute power is kind of neat.
John Leman
I know there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that
Tom Lehrer
In real life, there is no such thing as algebra
Fran Lebowitz
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism, in the USA, capitalism
triumphed over democracy.
Fran Lebowitz
Woman who seek equality with men are not ambitious.
Timothy Leary
All God's children are not beautiful, in fact, most of God's children are not even presentable.
Fran Lebowitz
Advertising is the art of stopping human thought long enough to get money from them.
Stephen Leacock
You get 24 politicians together and you'll get 30 opinions on the same issue.
Patrick Leahy (senator)
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Christopher Lasch
Experience is a hard teacher because it gives the exam first and the lesson after.
Vernon Sanders Law
If people only concentrated on the really important things in life there would be a shortage of fishing rods and golf clubs.
Doug Larsen
Utility is having one phone, luxury is having two, opulence is when you have three and paradise is when you have none.
Doug Larsen
Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larsen
The aging process has you in its firm grasp when the urge to throw a snowball at someone has gone.
Doug Larsen
For every kid that believes in Santa there is at least one adult who believes in Professional Wrestling.
Doug Larsen
The only nice thing about being imperfect is it brings joy to others.
Doug Larsen
Don't accept your dogs admiration as proof that you are wonderful.
Ann Landers
A lot of people will mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Doug Larsen
Any girl can look glamorous. All she has to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr
Getting fired is natures way of saying it was always the wrong job for you.
Hal Lancaster
My parents only had one argument in 45 years of marriage - it lasted 43 years.
Cathy Ladman
I had a wonderful two years of marriage.
To bad the marriage lasted for nine years
Nick Faldo
The more minimal the art, the more maximum the explanation.
Hilton Kramer
Great nations always behaved like gangsters and small ones like prostitutes.
Stanley Kubrick
An economist is a person who states the obvious in terms that are incomprehensible.
Alfred A. Knopf
TV - A medium
So called because it is seldom rare or well done.
Ernie Kovacs
Science is organised wisdom. Wisdom is organised life.
Immanuel Kant
The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.
Okakura Kakuzo
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Fletcher Knebel
The art of being bored is dieing.
Ted Klauber
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
Henry Kissinger
There cannot be a crises this week. My schedule is already full.
Henry Kissinger
No side will win the battle of the sexes. There is simply too much fraternising with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
90% of politicians give the other 10% a bad name.
Henry Kissinger
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.
King Edward VIII
It is true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me. I think that is pretty important.
Martin Luther King
The avoidance of tax is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
John Milton Keynes
Politicians are the same the world over. They say they will build bridges even when there is no river.
Nikita Khrushchev
They say such nice things at funerals.
It makes me sad to realize that I am going to miss mine.
Garrison Keillor
Forgive your enemies, but not their names
John Kennedy
Every form of addiction is bad whether it be nicotine, alcohol or idealism
Carl Jung
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press the number 3 followed by the # key
Alice Kahn
Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
Thomas Jones
An atheist is someone who hopes the Lord will not disturb his disbelief
Franklin P Jones
You can always get the truth from a politician after he has given up all hope of leadership.
Wendell Phillips
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she plays with me or I play with her?
Montaigne
Honest criticism is hard to accept, particularly when it comes from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with being punctual is nobody is there to appreciate it.
Franklin P. Jones
Always and never are two words you must always remember never to use.
Wendell Johnson
Never tell anyone you are going on a diet, exercising or giving up smoking.
They'll encourage you to death.
Lyndon Johnson
Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.
Steve Jobs
Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.
Steve Jobs
It is impossible to enjoy being idle unless you have plenty of work to do.
Jerome K Jerome
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and doesn't stop until you stand up and speak in public.
George Jessel
What is more stupid than a man racking his brains studying how to fly.
William Law 1728
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one.
Anonymous
I read no newspaper but the local tabloid, and that is chiefly for the adverts for they contain the only modicum of truth that can be relied on.
Thomas Jefferson
(Bastardised by Matthew Grierson)
The definition of modern poetry is when 90% of the population find it incomprehensible.
Matthew Grierson
Cats and monkeys. Monkeys and cats. All
human behavior can be observed in these two animals.
Henry James
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
Mogens Jallberg
Light the fuse and run might work for an explosive, but not for the wrath of a woman scorned.
Jeph Jacques
Keith and I had to give up heavy drugs. We found they stretched the lining of our trouser pockets.
It cost too much in new pants
Mick Jagger
The National Rifle Association says
“Guns don’t kill people. People do”.
I think the gun
helps.
Eddie Izzard
The
price of freedom of religion, the press or speech is we have to put up with a
good deal of rubbish
Robert Jackson
A nation is a society that is united by delusions about its ancestry and a common hatred of its enemies
William Ralph Inge
People want economy and will pay any price for it.
Lee Iacocca
It's hard to tell what brings happiness.
Poverty and wealth have both been tried and failed.
Kin Hubbard
The only way to entertain some people is to listen to them.
Kin Hubbard
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Kin Hubbard
Honesty pays, but not enough to suit everyone
Kin Hubbard
The time you most need a vacation is immediately after you have had one.
Elbert Hubbard
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never come out alive.
Elbert Hubbard
Editor: Someone who separates the wheat from the chaff & makes sure the chaff is printed.
Elbert Hubbard
Genius may have its limitations.
Stupidity does not have the same handicap.
Elbert Hubbard
India ink originated in China.
Chinese Checkers originated in England
Norway rats originally came from China
Vodka was a Polish invention
There are days when any household appliance, including the vacuum cleaner provides more entertainment than the TV
Harriet Van Horne
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble and pain when you are young, you'll have nothing to laugh at when you're old.
Edgar Watson Howe
No one
party can fool all the people all the time – that’s why we have two parties.
Bob Hope
There it was! Hidden in alphabetical order.
Rita Holt
To be a famous composer, the first requirement is to be dead.
Arthur Honegger.
Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power
Eric Hoffer
Life is a terminal disease contracted at the time of conception
Oliver Wendell Homes
TV has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
Alfred Hitchcock
The paperback is very interesting, but will never replace the hardcover; they make much better doorstops.
Alfred Hitchcock
See a murder on television and you work off your antagonisms. If you don't have antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
Alfred Hitchcock
The length of a film should be directly related to the strength of the bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock.
A censor is a person who thinks they know more than they think you should know
Granville Hicks
Diplomacy: Lying in state
Oliver Hereford
There is always someone who is paid too much and taxed too little - and it's never you or I
Cullen Hightower
We may not be able to imagine our lives to be more frustrating and complex - but the government can.
Cullen Hightower.
It is best to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this over a bottle of wine
Heraclitus
There are a lot of people who can not read or write.
We should be grateful for this
Sarah Hepola
We need a president that is fluent in at least one language.
Buck Henry
Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.
Katharine Hepburn
Reading is sometimes an ingenious way of avoiding thought
Ernest Hemingway
Always do what you said you would do when you were drunk, that way you will learn to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway
Some men a born great, some achieve greatness
and some have greatness thrust upon them
William Shakespeare
Some men a born mediocre, some achieve
mediocrity and some have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller
Poets who read their work in public will undoubtedly have other nasty habits
Robert Heinlein
Progress is not made by the early riser, it is made by the lazy person who is looking for an easier way to do something.
Robert Heinlein
I have witnessed the softening of the hardest of hearts by a simple smile.
Goldie Hawn
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Sir Anthony Hawkins
Save a little money each week and at the end of the year you'll be surprised how little money you have.
Ernest Haskins
In times like these it pays to remember there have been other times like these.
Paul Harvey
The time to relax is when you don't have time to relax.
Sidney J Harris
Nothing is as amusing as the young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
Sidney J Harris
The nice thing about egotists is they don't talk about other people.
Corra Harris
The word politics is derived from the word' poly', meaning many, 'ticks' which means blood sucking leeches.
Larry Hardiman
can picture a world without hate; a world without war, and then I picture you and I attacking it and winning because they'd never expected it!
Jack Handey
It takes a
big man to cry and an even bigger man to laugh at the man who’s crying
Jack Handey
When I work 14 hours a day, 7 days a week, I get lucky
Armand Hammer
I am so sick and tired of lecturing on the virtues of non violence that I will kill the next person who asks me for my views
Matthew Grierson
As I grow older, I regret to say the detestable habit of thinking seems to be taking control of me
H.Rider Haggard
Do you notice that no one listens to the original author, but when they are used for a quotation, everyone listens?
Philip G Hamerton
Wherever there is authority, there is natural inclination to disobedience.
Thomas Haliburton
Things could be worse, for instance you could be ugly and work in the post office.
Adrienne Gusoff
Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies
Adrienne Gusoff
Girls just wanna have funds.
Adrienne Gusoff
When everyone is against you it means that you are absolutely wrong - or absolutely right.
Albert Guinon
Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.
Adrienne Gusoff
I'm not a bad guy, I love my wife & kids, so why should I spend half my Sunday in Church hearing about how I'm going to hell?
Matt Groening
There's an empty spot inside me that I've tried to fill with religion, family and then community service, but they were dead ends.I think this chair in front of the TV is the answer.
Matt Groening
Three little sentences that will get you through your work life: "Cover for me", "Good idea, boss" and "It was like this when I got here."
Matt Groening
Family, religion, friendship - these are the three daemons that must be slain to succeed in business.
Matt Groening
Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.
Judy Garland
Life being what it is one dreams of revenge.
Paul Gauguin
A bore is someone who deprives you of your solitude without providing you with company.
Gian Vincenzo Gravina
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew that no white dude would ever come around my neighborhood after dark.
Dick Gregory
It's better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake thinking about them afterward.
Baltasar Gracian
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Grafitto
A politician can both simultaneously
sit on the fence while keeping both ears to the ground.
Anonymous
Either I've been missing something or
there's been nothing happening.
Karen Elizabeth
Gordon
The idea of all out nuclear war is unsettling.
Walter Goodman
A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world.
Edmond de Goncourt
I don't want 'yes men' working for me.
I want everyone to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Samuel Goldwyn
If Columbus had a cabinet, caucus, committees and parliament, he would never have left Spain.
Arthur Goldberg
If children grew up to their parents first perceptions, we would have a world full of geniuses.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.
The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the oil.
It sometimes gets replaced.
Vic Gold
When I hear anyone talk of culture, I reach for my revolver.
Hermann Goering
An actor who claims they are modest is as dishonest as a call girl who claims she has passion.
Jackie Gleason
The secret of success is sincerity.
If you can fake that, you can fake anything.
Jean Giraudoux
Only the mediocre are always at their best
Jean Giraudoux
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
John Paul Getty
No one can have a higher opinion of him that I do, and I think he is nothing more than dirty scum.
W.S Gilbert
You can not shake hands with a clenched
fist
Indria Gandhi
I believe in equality for everyone –
except for reporters and photographers
Mahatma Gandhi
You will find the Government is the kind of organisation that although it does large projects badly, it does do small projects badly also
John Kenneth Galbraith
I wish there was a control on the TV for intelligence.
There is one for 'brightness', but it never works.
Gallagher
Nothing is politics is desired more than a genuine short memory
John Kenneth Galbraith
Under
capitalism, man exploits man.
Under communism it is
exactly the opposite
John Kenneth
Galbraith
Tradition serves to protect us from the painful act of thinking.
John Kenneth Galbraith
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable
John Kenneth Galbraith
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything
John Kenneth Galbraith
The happiest time of one's life is immediately after the first divorce.
John Kenneth Galbraith
The more things change, the more they stay insane
Michael Fry
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, others willing to let them
Robert Frost
A jury consists of 12 people who decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost
The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts the moment we wake up and does not stop until we get to work
Robert Frost
He's turned is life around.
He used to be miserable and depressed; now he's depressed and miserable
David Frost
TV allows you to be entertained by someone in your own home that you would never want in your own home
David Frost
The scientific name for something that does not run from, or fight its enemies is called lunch
Michael Friedman
In the bureaucratic system, useless work drives out useful work.
Milton Friedman
Governments never learn - only people learn.
Milton Friedman
Hell has no fury like a bureaucrat scorned
Milton Friedman
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to problems it is generally only used by small children and large nations
David Friedman.
Obscurity is a good thing.
You can fail in obscurity and no one knows
Jason Fried
Knock on death's door then run away.
Death really hates that!
Matt Frewer
A conclusion is a place you have got to when you have got tired of thinking
Harold Fricklestein
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Benjamin Franklin
Life is full of obstacle illusions
Grant Frazier
When something has been said or done well, have no scruples.
Copy it!
Older people have their play toys as well as the young. The difference is in the price.
Benjamin Franklin
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Ian Fleming
Man is his own star and the soul that can render an honest and perfect man commands all light, all influence, all fate.
John Fletcher
Genius without education is like gold in the mine.
Benjamin Franklin
God may heal, but the doctor takes the fees.
Benjamin Franklin
When you encounter seemingly good advice which contradicts seemly good other advice, ignore them both
Al Franken
A person caught between two lawyers is like a fish caught between two cats
Benjamin Franklin
Never try to impress them by telling them all you know. It may take too short a time.
Max L Forman
Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day.
They'll be lying in a hospital bed dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx
It is much easier to suggest solutions to a problem when you don't know what you're talking about
Malcolm Forbes
I'm not lost, I'm locationally challenged
John M Ford
There is never enough time unless you are serving it
Malcolm Forbes
My problem is reconciling my gross habits with my net income
Errol Flynn
The reason why some people get lost in thought is they are in unfamiliar territory
Paul Fix
Instant gratification takes too long
Carrie Fisher
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally
W.C.Fields
I never vote for anyone. I vote against.
W. C.Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which stops it from betting on people
W.C Fields
I always keep a bottle of alcohol handy in case I see a snake ... I also always keep a snake handy.
W.C.Fields
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks
Totie Fields
A newspaper consists of words regardless of if there is any news.
Henry Fielding
One of the observations of a civilization is that happiness and intelligence are seldom found together
William Feather
The pretty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the extravagances of the poor
William Feather
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious
William Feather
Setting a good example to children can take all the fun out of being middle aged
William Feather
To err is human, but to really muck things up requires a computer
Farmers Almanac
god gave woman femininity and intuition.
Used properly, the combination scrambles the brain of any man I have met.
Farrah Fawcett
Making contraceptives available to
young people to avoid pregnancies is ridiculous. It’s like giving a cookbook to
someone who is on a diet!!!
Jerry Falwall
I was happily married for 8 months. Unfortunately the marriage lasted
four and a half years.
Nick Faldo
Hard work spotlights the character of people. Some turn up there sleeves. Some turn up their noses. Some don't turn up at all.
Sam Ewing
Cheese - milks leap toward immortality!
Clifton Fadiman
Never say marriage is more joy than pain.
Euripides
A mans best possession is a sympathetic wife
Euripides
Some of us are so silly we care about the opinions of those we don't care about
Marie Von Eschenbach
Short is the joy that guilty pleasure brings
Euripides
A statistician is a person who believes that figures don't lie, but also admits that when analysed, some don't stand up either.
Evan Esar
Think before you speak then you might be able to say something more insulting than what you were originally going to.
Evan Esar
The mint makes money first.
It is up to you to make it last.
Evan Esar
Exercise is not a lost art.
You have to get to your vehicle somehow.
Evan Esar
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind
Evan Esar
Character is what you have left when you have lost everything else
Evan Esar
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.
Evan Esar
America believes in education.
The average professor earns more in a year than more professional athletes earn in a week.
Evan Esar
He talks with more clarity than claret.
Susan Ertz
A signature reveals a persons character and sometimes even their personality.
Evan Esar
A compromise is the art of dividing the cake so that everyone thinks they are getting the biggest slice
Ludwig Erhard
A husband is like a fire.
He goes out when unattended
Evan Esar
If pregnancy were a book, I would take out the last two chapters.
Nora Ephron
They are so strong in their convictions that it hardly matters what the beliefs are --- it all fuses into total obstinance.
Louise Erdrich
If you pray for rain, be prepared to deal with some mud.
Mary Englebreit
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
Frederich Engels
There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Truth is beautiful, but so are lies.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some editors are failed authors, but so are most authors.
T.S. Elliot
I think birthdays are like menstrual cramps. A regular predictable pain that is somehow related with our birth.
Hugh Elliot
I can think of nothing more boring than having to sit in front
of a TV and look at my face for half and hour.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Every man who is not either a monster, mad or a
mathematician is a slave to a woman.
George Eliot
Only two things in this world are infinite, the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former
Albert Einstein
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is it is all comprehensible
Albert Einstein
It's a miracle that curiosity survives a formal education
Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge
Albert Einstein
I never think of the future; it comes soon enough.
Albert Einstein
I do not know what weapons world war III will be fought with; world war IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein
Don't worry about you having difficulties with mathematics. I assure you mine are even greater.
Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour; sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute.
That's relativity
Albert Einstein
When King Solomon said, 'there is a time and place for everything', he had not encountered the problem of finding a car park.
Bob Edwards
Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait.
Thomas Edison
There's only one way to have a happy marriage, and when I find it I'll get married again.
Clint Eastwood
History teaches us that people and nations only behave wisely when they have exhausted all alternatives
Abba Eban
Baseball is like church, many attend, few understand.
Leo Durocher
Never judge a book by its movie.
White Eagle
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat, they could be classified as cannibals
Finley Peter Dunne
Be nice to people as you climb the ladder of success because you will meet them on the way down
Jimmy Durante
Authors should be read, but never seen or heard
Daphne du Mauriel
Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because rogues sometimes take a rest.
Alexandre Dumas
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
Hansel B Duckett
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
(Attributed to) Charles H Duell
Commissioner, US Patent office 1899
People may not get what they work for, but they must work for all they get.
Frederick Douglas
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dawd
Education is a state controlled manufacturer of echos.
Norman Douglas
The great and invigorating influences in the world have been unorthordox. They have come from people who have challenged existing institutions, the way we have lived and the way we think.
William Douglas
Engineers are basically high functioning autistics who have no idea of how normal people do stuff.
Cory Doctorow
Abnormal is now so common it is almost normal.
Cory Doctorow
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Richard Diran
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Benjamin Disraeli
In America sex is an obsession, in the rest of the world it is a fact
Marlene Dietrich
In science, one tries to tell people in such a way as to be understood by everyone about something no one ever knew before.
In poetry, it is the exact opposite
Paul Dirac
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
Philip K. Dick
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Gordon R. Dickson
American gentleman!
God forgive me for ever putting those two words together.
Charles Dickens
Annual income twenty pounds; annual expenditure nineteen an a half pounds; result happiness.
Annual income twenty pounds; annual expenditure twenty and a half pounds; result misery.
Charles Dickens
I think, therefore I am.
Rene Descartes
I am; therefore I think.
Ayn Rand
Golf and sex area the only two activities you can enjoy without being good at.
Jimmy Demaret
Dreaming permits each of us to be quietly insane every night.
William Dement
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Charles de Gaulle
Confession is good for the soul like a tweed coat is good for dandruff.
Peter De Vries
We are all atheists about most of the Gods that have been created - most people will not eliminate the last one or few of them.
Richard Dawkins
Unlike youth, the really scary thing about being middle aged is I know I will grow out of it.
Doris Day
The love of truth lies at the root of most humour
Robertson Davies
Being sure of oneself is an unforgivable quality of the unsure
Bette Davis
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one who is most responsive to change.
Charles Darwin
There is no nonsense so gross that society will not at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity.
Robertson Davis
The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents, the second half is ruined by our children
Clarence Darrow
My wife and I were happy for the first twenty years...then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man with a sharp wit.
Someone ought to take that away from him before he cuts himself.
Peter da Silva
As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.
Leonardo Da Vinci
I haven't spoken to my wife for years. I'm too polite to interrupt.
Rodney Dangerfield
A beautiful girl phoned last night and said: "Come on over, no one is home!" - I did; there wasn't.
Rodney Dangerfield
Intellectual passion dries out sensuality.
Leonado Da Vinci
Get all the fools on your side then you will be elected.
Frank Dane
Have no fear of perfection - you will never reach it.
Salvador Dali
There is only one difference between me and a madman. I am not mad.
Salvador Dali
Aristotle thought the brain exists only to cool the blood and was not involved in the process of thinking. This transpires to be true only most of the time.
Will Cuppy
Look! We've got a huge universe as our neighbour. Let's go and see who's there.
E.E. Cummings
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
E.E. Cummings
Women need a reason to have sex. Men need only a place.
Billy Crystal
The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them
Samuel McChord Crothers
It's not having what you want - it's wanting what you've got.
Sheryl Crow
When you go to court you are putting you fate in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Norm Crosby
The point of quotations is that one can use another one's words to be insulting.
Amanda Cross
Never keep up with the Jones's. Drag them down to your level.
Quentin Crisp
When I told the people of Ireland I was an atheist, I was asked "Is it the catholic God or the protestant God that you don't believe in?"
Quentin Crisp
I am certain there is too much certainty in this world.
Michael Crichton
If at first you don't succeed, maybe failure is your style.
Quentin Crisp
The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
Noel Coward
Keeping your clothes well pressed will keep you from looking hard pressed
Coleman Cox
Don't worry about the grey hair.
Just think of the fun you had getting it!
Kerry Green
I like long walks; especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Noel Coward
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Robert R Coveyou
Humans are the only animals that allow their offspring to return home.
Bill Cosby
Democracy is choosing a dictator after they have told you what they think you want to hear
Alan Corenk
TV is more interesting than people. If it were not , we would all have people standing in the corners of our rooms
Alan Corenk
Last night I dreamed I'd eaten a massive marshmallow.
When I woke up my pillow was gone
Tommy Cooper
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three people; two of which are not present
Robert Copeland
If the shoe fits, you're not allowing enough room for growth
Robert Coons
The male is a domestic animal which treated with firmness can be trained to do most things
Jilly Cooper
Programming today is a race between software engineers to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far the universe is winning
Rick Cook
Ethics are so annoying, I avoid them on principle
Darby Conley
Being a woman is a terribly difficult task as it consists principally in dealing with men
Joesph Conrad
Working without thought is a waste
Thought without work is perilous
Confucius
Do not defer to tomorrow to be wise
For tomorrows sun to you may never rise
William Congreve
Never trust a person who speaks well of everyone
John Collins
The turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out
James Bryant Conant
If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.
Marva Collins
Trust yourself, think for yourself, act for yourself, speak for yourself, be yourself.
Imitation is suicide
Marva Collins
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm
Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette
Luck is what is left after you have given 100%
Langston Coleman
There's an old saying about people who forget the lessons of history.
I don't recall it, but I know it's good
Stephen Colbert
Every improvement in communication makes the boring person even more intolerable
Frank Moore Colby
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing the winning candidate.
Mark B Cohen
A committee is a dead end alley where ideas are lured then mutilated
Sir Barnett Cocks
The trouble with normal is it keeps getting worse.
Bruce Cockburn
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
Claude Cocklan
Some days you're the bug -
Some days you're the windscreen.
Price Cobb
Some days you're the statue -
Some days you're the pigeon.
Annette Pannette
A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members
David Coblitz
Trying to be someone you're not is a waste of the person you are
Kurt Cobain
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Kurt Cobain
I did not have sex with that woman.
Bill Clinton
Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.
The relative positions of both men and women in the workings of civilisation were assigned long ago by an intelligence much greater than ours
Grover Cleveland
War is much serious a business to be entrusted to the military
Georges Clemenceau
America is the only nation in history that has miraculously gone from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation
Georges Clemenceau
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory
Georges Clemenceau
I'd rather be right than be the Prime Minister
Henry Clay
I find it easy to act as a businessman.
Being bland, cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me
John Cleese
Those who desire are always poor.
Claudianus
Politicians think of the next election while great people think of future generations
James Clarke
The best measure of a persons honesty is the non-use of the adjustment button on the bathroom scales
Arthur C Clarke
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
Arthur C Clarke
Humour is always based on a modicum of truth.
Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Dick Clark
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value
Arthur C Clarke
Laws are silent in times of war
Cicero
Being in the armed forces is like being in the Boy Scouts except the Boy Scouts have adult supervision
Blake Clerk
The constitution gives all Americans the inalienable right to make a damn fool of themselves
John Ciardi
We shall find no fiend in hell can match the fury of a scorned, slighted and dismissed woman
Colley Ciber
I am prepared to meet my maker.
Whether my maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter
Winston
Churchill
Myself, I am an optimist. There does not seem to be much use being anything else
Winston
Churchill
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen
Winston
Churchill
There are a terrible lot of lies going around, and worst of all, half of them are true
Winston
Churchill
I am always ready to learn, although I dislike being taught.
Winston
Churchill
Success is the ability to go from one failure to the next without losing enthusiasm.
Winston
Churchill
It's not enough that we do our best, sometimes we have to do what is required.
Winston
Churchill
People occasionally stumble over the truth. They usually pick themselves up and carry on as if nothing ever happened
Winston
Churchill
I like pigs.Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us. Pigs treat
us as equals.
Winston
Churchill
However beautiful the strategy, one
should occasionally look at the results
Winston Churchill
It is a mistake to reach too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.
Winston Churchill
Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others.
Winston Churchill
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it
Winston Churchill
He has all the virtues I dislike and non of the vices I admire
Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change their mind and won't change the subject
Winston Churchill
Although I am prepared for martyrdom, I would prefer to postpone it.
Winston Churchill
To win a war is as disastrous as losing one.
Agatha Christie
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
Maurice Chevalier
God made truth with many doors to welcome every believer who knocks on them.
Kahlil Gibran
Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
Andy Gibb
Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
David Lloyd George
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Andre Gide
Generosity is giving more that you can.
Pride is taking less than you need.
Kahlil Gibran
Be neither too remote nor too familiar.
Prince Charles
The more passions and desires one has, the more ways one has of being happy.
Charlotte-Catherine
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Frank Zappa
Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.
Frank Zappa
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
Frank Zappa
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
Frank Zappa
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
Frank Zappa
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
Frank Zappa
Irresponsible power is inconsistent with liberty, and must corrupt those who exercise it.
John Calhoun
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
Bertha Calloway
Men willingly believe what they wish.
Julius Caesar
I can't understand why people are afraid of new ideas. I'm afraid of the old ones.
John Cage
I praise loudly, I blame softly.
Catherine II. of Russia
Iron hand in velvet glove.
Charles V.
If there was no God, there would be no Atheists
Gilbert K Chesterton
The Bible tells us to love our neighbours. It also tells us to love our enemies. This is because generally they are the same people.
Gilbert K Chesterton
I believe in getting into hot water. It keeps you clean.
Gilbert K Chesterton
I owe my success to having respectfully listened to the very best advice , then doing the exact opposite
Gilbert K Chesterton
Don't ever take down a fence until you know the reason it was put up.
Gilbert K Chesterton
By a curious confusion, many art critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the proposition that unless it is unpopular, it can not be a master piece
Gilbert K Chesterton
My life may not be scintillating, but living it is better than watching yours
Kevin Cheng
I have wrestled with reality for the past 35 years.
I'm happy to report I've finally won it over.
Mary Chase
The rule of my life is to make business a pleasure and pleasure my business.
Aaron Burr
In the end, everything is a laugh.
Charlie Chaplin
If your parents never had children, the chances are you won't either.
Dick Cavett
Good painters imitate nature, bad ones vomit it.
Miguel de Cervantes
I believe all of us
should retire relatively young.
Fidel
Castro
(in an interview with Playboy magazine, 1967)
The problem with political pranksters is they get elected.
Willa
Cather
If life was fair Elvis would be alive and the impersonators would be dead.
Johny Carson
If it were not for the inventor of TV we would be sitting eating frozen radio dinners in the evenings.
Johny Carson
I don’t
have an English accent because this is what English sounds like when it’s
spoken properly.
Jimmy Carr
Being an
American means anyone can grow up to be president, and those that don’t grow up
can be vice president.
Johny Carson
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain; and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie
Think of how stupid the average person is , then consider that half of them are even more stupid.
George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight:
Dark followed by more darkness overnight, then widely scattered light at around sunrise.
George Carlin
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what are freedom fighters really fighting?
George Carlin
If it is true that the earth is the only life-supporting place in the universe, I'd have to say the universe aimed low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but if part of hell broke loose, it would be very difficult to detect.
George Carlin
Honesty is the best policy, but by elimination, dishonesty must be second best.
George Carlin
I believe in the principle of separation of church and state. Individually each of these institutions screw us. Together would be certain death.
George Carlin
Frisbieanity is the belief that when you die your soul goes to the roof and gets stuck there.
George Carlin
Abstract art is the product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the bewildered.
Al Capp
Failure is the condiment of success.
Truman Capote
Life can be a pretty good play, but finishes each time with a terrible finale
Truman Capote
Vote early and vote often.
Al Capone
You can go a long way with smile.
You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone
Charm is a way of getting what you want without asking a clear question.
Albert Camus
I don't have an enemy in the world, but all my friends hate me.
Eddie Cantor
Woe to those who can't see the power of irrational logic.
Maritza Campas
Everything can be solved through civilized dialogue or implied agony.
Maritza Campas
This is why democracy doesn't work! Too much talking leads to not enough violence.
Maritza Campas
An honest politician is one who when bought, stays bought.
Simon Cameron
It's not the well fed and healthy men I fear, but the pale and hungry
Julius Caesar
We can not direct the winds, but we can adjust the sails.
Bertha Conway
The optimist proclaims we are living in the best of times while the pessimist fears this is true.
James Branch Cabell
Until you walk a mile in another mans shoes, you cannot imagine the smell.
Robert Bryne
There are two types of people in this would, those that finish what they start...and so on.
Robert Bryne
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that understand binary and those that don't.
Anonymous
Getting caught is the mother of invention.
Robert Bryne
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
Robert Bryne
Everything is in a state of flux including the status quo.
Robert Bryne
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Samuel Butler
Stop! We have only heard one side of the story! To date, God has written all the books!
Samuel Butler
I do not mind lying, it is inaccuracies I hate.
Samuel Butler
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning as we go on.
Samuel Butler
The person who allows themselves to be bored is more contemptible than the boring person.
Samuel Butler
All philosophies are nonsense, but some are greater nonsense than others.
Samuel Butler
When a person says they are leaving a legacy, the only decent thing for them to do at that point is to die at once.
Samuel Butler
The one serious conviction a person should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
Nicholas Butler
In politics you must keep running with the pack. The moment you falter, they will sense you are injured, then they will turn on you like wolves.
R.A Butler
(British foreign secretary 1963-64)
I think we can agree that the past is over
George W. Bush
I have my opinions; strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them.
George Bush (senior)
Love is life; if you miss love, you miss life.
Leo Buscaglia
The more I studied religions, the more convinced I was that people never worshiped anything but themselves
Richard Francis Burton
A paranoid is someone who knows a little about what is really going on.
William S Burroughs
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
George Burns
I look to the future because that's where I'll spend the rest of my life.
George Burns
It only takes one drink to get me drunk. Normally it's the 13th or 14th
George Burns
The secrete of a good speech is to open with a strong and memorable beginning and complete with a forceful and unforgettable end.
Then put the two together as close as possible
George Burns
You can't stop growing older, but you can stop growing up
George Burns
Do not make little plans. They have
no magic to stir people’s blood.
Make big plans; aim high in both
hope and work.
David Burnham
Acting is all about
honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it
made.
George Burns
Happiness is having a large close-knit family living in another country.
George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns
Win hearts and you win people's minds, actions and emotions.
William Burleigh
People who say they sleep like a baby probably don't have one.
Leo J Burke
Thank God I'm still an atheist.
Luis Bunnuel
He who opposes us strengthens or nerves and sharpens our skills
Our antagonist is our helper
Edmund Burke
Writing poetry backwards is writing it in inverse
Anonymous
In a democracy, it is your vote that counts. In feudalism, it is your count that votes
Anonymous
A solider who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is being hailed as a seasoned veteran
Anonymous
A short fortune teller who escaped from prison is wanted by police.
They say they are looking for a small medium at large
Anonymous
The child was taken to hospital in a serious condition after swallowing a lot of money. The doctors report no change from him yet.
Anonymous
The sign on the lawn in front of the rehab centre read 'Keep off the grass'
Anonymous
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Anonymous
Nick Henry wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit him
Anonymous
A dog gave birth on a city footpath.
Her owners were fined for littering.
Anonymous
Two silk worms had a race.
The result ended in a tie.
Anonymous
The butcher backed into the meat grinder. He got a little behind in his work.
Anonymous
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will always be stationery
Anonymous
I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Island.
It turned out I had visited an optical Aleutian
Anonymous
She was only the whiskey maker, be he loved her still
Anonymous
It is a mistake to suppose that passions are strongest in youth.
Passions are not stronger, it is control over them that is weaker.
Edward Bulmer-Lytton
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Edward Bulmer-Lytton
Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill. Never admit to it yourself. Illness is one thing every person should resist on principle.
Edward Bulmer-Lytton
The same curiosity that brings us new pleasures exposes us to new pains.
Edward Bulmer-Lytton
Destiny is a phrase of the weak.
The strong and virtuous admit no destiny
Edward Bulmer-Lytton
The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is in a democracy you vote first, then take orders.
In a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting
Charles Bukowski
You have to be careful who you let be your God.
Lois McMaster Bujold
If the truth does not save you - what does that say about yourself?
Lois McMaster Bujold
If power is an illusion, weakness must be the same.
Lois McMaster Bujold
You can not be that good and not know it. Somewhere in your heart, however much you have been abused, humiliated or mistreated, you know what you are great for.
Lois McMaster Bujold
I'm an atheist myself, a simple belief, but a great comfort to me.
Lois McMaster Bujold
Never, ever let them get away without paying. What they get for free, they'll take for granted, then they'll never stop. Charge what the market can bear.
Lois McMaster Bujold
The will to be stupid is a very powerful force but there are alternatives.
Lois McMaster Bujold
A weapon is a device for making an enemy change their mind.
Lois McMaster Bujold
Life - The rear view mirror always appears clearer than the windscreen
Warren Buffet
If you want to catch something, running after it is not always the best way
Lois McMaster Bujold
If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.
Jimmy Buffett
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
Jimmy Buffett
Every mistake has a halfway moment where it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.
Pearl Buck
True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.
Edna Buchanan
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
Sam Brown
An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
John Buchanan
Common sense is very uncommon.
Horace Greeley
Popular applause veers with the wind.
John Bright
Be mild with the mild, shrewd with the crafty, confiding with the honest, rough to the aggressive and a thunderbolt to the liar. But in all this,never be unmindful of your own dignity.
John Brown
The reward for conforming is everyone likes you but yourself.
Rita Mae Brown
When you win say nothing. When you lose say less.
Paul Brown
Computer dating is fine for computers.
Rita Mae Brown
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita May Brown
Statistics say one in every four people suffer from a mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If it's not one of them, it's you.
Rita May Brown
Fear does not have any special power unless you submit to it.
Lester Brown
The war on terrorism is a war of ideas. The greatest restraint on human behaviour is not a police officer or a fence - it's a community and a culture.
Thomas L. Friedman
Money doesn't always buy happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
Hobart Brown
Everyone has their burdens. What makes the person is how they carry it.
Joe Brown
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
That is the great thing about being a comedian: If you fail, no one laughs at you!
A. Whitney Brown
If God had wanted us to fly he would have given us tickets.
Mel Brooks
Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger. Do not pray for tasks equal to your power. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle.
Phillips Brooks
It is said that power corrupts, but it is more true that power attracts the corruptible.
David Brin
Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian. Wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian. Lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy makes it Chinese. Garlic makes it good.
Alice May Brock
Prosperity is a great teacher. Adversity is greater.
Hazlitt
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
Douglas
Youth is a blunder, adulthood a struggle, old age a regret.
Disraeli
Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.
Longfellow
Ambition destroys its possessor.
The Talmud
There has been no king who did not have a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his.
Helen Keller
An angry person opens their mouth while shutting their minds.
Cato
When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear.
Mark Twain
Beware of the fury of a patient man.
Dryden
Anger ismomentary madness, so control it or it will control you.
Horace
Polishedbrass impresses some more than polished gold.
Chesterfield
Good architecture is frozen music.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Argumentsof a pretty mouth are unanswerable.
Addison
When Bishop Berkeley said “There was no matter and proved it – it didn’t matter.
Byron
Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Anonymous
Adversity introduces a man to himself.
Anonymous
The sign of a successful business person is one that started their carriers giving $500 of advice for $5 and ended giving $5 of advice for $500.
Benjamin Brewster
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean, if PacMan affected children, they would run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.
Marcus Brigstocke
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
Bertold Brecht
Why be a man when you can be a success.
Bertold Brecht
The intermediate state between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
Norman Brenner
Make visible what without you might never have been seen.
Robert Bresson
If you cannot say what you want to in 20 minutes you ought to write a book about it.
Lord Brabazon
We can beat gravity but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
Wernher von Braun
Act like a duck on water: Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but work like hell underneath.
Jacob Braude
Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I am doing.
Wernher von Braun
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
Dorothea Brande
Behind every argument is someone who is ignorant
Louis D. Brandeis
Government is too big and too important to be left to the politicians.
Chester Bowels
There are 350 varieties of shark - not counting loan and pool.
L.M. Boyd
Nobody speaks the truth there is something they must have.
Elizabeth Bower
If you marry for money you will earn it.
Ezra Bowen
The worst offense to the spirit is to believe things because we want to believe them, not because we see them for what they are.
Jacques Bossuet
Life itself is a quotation.
Jorge Louis Borges
and the rest from 'Best Quotations for all Occasions' by Lewis C. Henry.
Spelling mistakes are entirely of our own making.
